Some People Got It

I completely on board with Veruca Salt until she says "I want to lock it all up in my pocket; it's my bar of chocolate," because, if you think about it, that's a recipe for disaster.

When I was a little kid, I took child roles in local theater for companies that put on productions in Red Bank, New Jersey. By age eight, I had performed at both The Strand and Count Basie theaters, and landed the title role in "Oliver!" I think it's disastrously hilarious that it's not even the only Dickens novel that was churned into a musical.

On a more personal disastrously hilarious note, "Oliver!" was one of several productions I had the pleasure of putting on with an individual named Jared Gertner. I recently stumbled onto him -- completely at random -- in YouTube videos. It turns out he ended up making it to Broadway with "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" in the lead role, and the man can still sing.

I, on the other hand, was only barely ever able to carry a tune to begin with -- landing roles on sheer cuteness and the uncanny ability to memorize the lines for entire plays in a matter of days -- and when the long-awaited man-gifts of puberty finally arrived, the ability to sort-of sing was one of the first things to go.

Regardless, I think I got the better end of the trade.